My Relationship With Sufism

My explanation of what Sufism to people who don't know is:
Sufism is the study of mysticism from the Islamic religion, like Kabbalah is the mystical study of Judaism, and Gnosism is the study of Christianity. Sufism is the path of the heart and soul. It's learning to be in the world, but not of it. Sufis are service-oriented to humanity.

I've been an initiate of the North American Sufi Order (started by Hazrat Inayat Khan) for almost four years. I had been dancing with Akbar down at the Friends Meeting House in Decatur for at least a year before i found out that it was Sufi dancing! A lot of the people there aren't initiated into any Sufi order (and there are many Orders)...but it's fun, for a good cause, not to mention it helps heal the heart. One Saturday, i was attending a musicianship class for the Dances (i.e., learn to play instruments to accompany the dancing). There was a man there that i didn't recognize. During the class, my gaze met his and we held each other's gaze for a very long time (compared to the obligatory glance most people give or get). At one point, during a break, i introduced myself, and out of my mouth popped, "you have something to tell me". He looked at me and said, "want to go get something to eat?", and off we went. Well, the lunch turned into a weekend of pretty amazing conversation about mystics, life, the universe, and in a round about way, Sufism.

There was a moment when he asked me if i wanted to become initiated and i hesitated. I wasn't going to join something i didn't know anything about. Certainly not something that basically guaranteed to change my life, if i did the work. So, i said i'd try the daily practices (about 20 minutes a day) and then decide. Pretty much, i knew that this was going to be a life commitment on some level, if not all of them. Then, later in the summer, i decided that yes, this was going to be okay. I've was told that people have to ask to be initiated, not the other way around. I felt very honored. I flew up to New York and had my first initiation. I could feel the energy as it passed between our hands. Musawwir became my guide, but more than anything my friend. His wife, Majida, became my friend, and both of them a part of my spiritual family. I told Musawwir things about myself that most people don't know. He holds great space and doesn't hold judgment. He's tough, too. And almost published. I'll post when his book comes out (soon).

There were lots of conversations and e-mails and phone calls. There was a period of time when my life felt like it was falling apart. It really wasn't falling apart, just parts of my belief systems falling away. Before i agreed to do this, he told me that things would change - i might lose my friends, i might be alone for awhile, etc. That was okay. There wasn't much left at that time anyways. A little more deconstruction wouldn't be too bad, i thought. He coached me through it. There's a phase of "unlearning" and what happens is that my personality changed slightly and the people who knew me noticed. Most people don't like change. Especially my kids. Yikes, i've put them through more change, i thought they'd get used to it, or maybe even like it.

I've taken several trips up to NY to see Musawwir & Majida and their family. I take business trips there to buy stones & pearls for my business. Now, through my tantra work, i have more friends in the area...and i'll write another post about my relationship with Tantra later.

I started reading. I kept asking Musawwir for names of books to read. Some of it is historical (Revelation of the Mystery), some of it mystic/metaphysical (Creation and the Timeless Order of Things), some of it esoteric poetry, which has become one of my favorite flavors (Divine Flashes).

Now, i'm currently reading and studying to become a Cherag. A Cherag is a "minister" of the Universal Worship Service. I'll hopefully have an ordination in about a year, after i finish my studies and writing. So far, i'm about half-way through with my writing, and i don't have a reader. Someone is supposed to read what i've been writing...and give me feedback. When i was accepted into the Cherag Study program, i was excited. I told my parents, and their reaction was not very supportive, to say the least. My dad's comment was, "Too bad, I thought you were going to tell me you had a full time job." I have a lot of respect for my dad. He called me the next day and apologized for his remark, explaining that he didn't know what a Cherag was and his ignorance created the comment.

A Cherag is an ordained person who can perform rituals like marriages, funerals, and other ceremonies. The Universal Worship Service is about what it sounds like. The Sufis consider all religions as having significance. During the service, we honor the religions by lighting candles (Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, Goddess/Earth based, Zorostrian, Native American, etc.) The Cherag is responsible for holding the light inside him or herself as well. During the service there is prayer, readings, music and information about one or more of the religions during the service. It's interactive. My studying has been rewarding. I've learned a lot about different religions, been on field trips, and asked for interviews. There are so many diverse views and beliefs. It's really beautiful, like a kaleidoscope.

There is a part of being connected with Sufism that brings me into my heart. It's helped me understand the world differently. The parts I love, I can keep, the parts that don't resonate with me, i don't have to use. On one of the trips to nyc, i received a Sufi name, Muhasaba. Well, when i first heard it, it was Muhasibi. we weren't sure how to spell it. Then, i started doing research. I'll do another post on the meaning of the name and the stories behind it. I have other names as well that i'll share in that future post. On another trip to nyc, i partook in a three day silent retreat. I was by myself in a small room. I was not allowed to speak to anyone, but i was given prayers and chants (wazaif) to do all day long. From 7 a.m. meditation, until about 6:00 p.m. meditation, (excluding b-fast and lunch breaks) i was working on holding my attention to what was at hand. It was very interesting. It's a great way to break through barriers. I was a little apprehensive before i went into it. I don't sit still well. I prefer walking meditations, and this was going to be three solid days of sitting. I did write an essay about my final meditation when i got home.

There are lots of great Sufi stories & poetry, and i have met a few other sufis along the path, all of them with beautiful hearts.