Fear and Faith

During the month of September, I did - what I consider - a fair amount of personal spiritual delving. For Labor Day Weekend, I relegated myself to my home and did a 3-day retreat. Last weekend, I spent the greater part of the weekend in a Workshop, entitled The Awakened Healer, with Devi Tide.

Both of these weekends brought me, at different times, to a place of fear. The fear itself, which my personality wanted to fit a situation to, directed me to look at my faith. It was uncomfortable, to say the least. Fear of death, fear of losing something precious to me (fear of attachment), fear of not knowing, and fear of not being able to control, manipulate, or massage the outcome are all things that made up this blockage in my spiritual path. One thing that has emerged from this is knowledge of my faith - or lack thereof.

I believe all kinds of things. Usually based on my own experiences or on those of others I trust. I'm not the kind of person to have unconditional faith. I like to have or see empirical evidence - or at least some experience that may not apply to the general public, but is personally enough to bring me to a point of acceptance. This, I guess, is another topic - the difference between faith and belief. Belief may be the bridge we use to cross the chasm, but faith may be the only vehicle for crossing when there is no bridge.

Through these last two weekends of delving, I have noticed that it would be wise to contemplate faith and see what happens. I was lucky enough to be in the workshop with someone who I felt has faith, and was able, during one of the exercises to "feel in" and get an idea of what that might be. The visualization I get is that of a very large, strong tree, with very deep, strong roots. I was also lucky enough to receive a blessing of faith. Perhaps that will be enough to get it growing.