Failure and Success

Everyone is faced with both failure and success in this world. In order to find peace, it is important for me to examine each opportunity to learn from each and glean whatever lesson I would - so that perhaps i could learn whatever it is I need to learn, and perhaps new lessons can arise.

This past weekend, I took a road trip with my friend, Joanna. We went out on Saturday morning and picked a general destination of a town about 45 miles outside of Atlanta. We went real estate hunting. We've been talking about moving to the mountains for at least a year, and the time to take some action happened upon us.

Although I knew the time would come to move, it has been very hard for me to look at it as just a move or an opportunity. To me, yesterday, it seems like a failure. Starting to clean out my house brings up memories of the past which I had packed away. Now, reviewing and creating piles of give-aways and throw-aways is forcing me to face the emotions of the past. Keeping a balanced emotional state was impossible.

Perhaps the symbolism and actual action of cleaning and clearing out the linen closet and chest yesterday helped me understand and witness the emotions that I had packed away for a future time that the universe deemed more appropriate. The feelings of a failed marriage loomed over everything. The marriage ended more than seven years ago. The fact that I am making the decision to move is based on many factors, one of which is the inability - or perceived failure - of being able to take care of the house & yard physically and financially on my own. I guess, perhaps, that I thought that someone else would enter the picture to provide the balance of what we needed to keep the house, and repair my sense of failure at marriage. Of course, there is a choice - of getting a better paying fulltime job, but that doesn't solve the other issues surrounding the decision to move, which aren't focused on failure, but on creating what I would consider a less hurried life for me and the children.

So, after an emotionally trying weekend that I am looking back on, I am focusing on the other reasons for moving. I hope that I am learning the lessons that these failures have brought into my awareness. With that behind me, hopefully the joy and excitement of new adventures will propel me onward.