Almost There

I've been working on my take-home Cherag work for two years now. It has been an interesting journey. For the readers who don't know, a Cherag is a facilitator of the Universal Worship Service, or a "minister" in the Sufi tradition.

Last night, my son made some disparaging comment about the dog eating some of my papers - actually Cherag work that had comments written on it - that i wanted to keep for review. His comment was something like, it's just paper - nothing important. Then, i proceeded to tell him what it was and he became somewhat impressed.

I am almost finished with the take-home study lessons. Just one more section, and I will have completed that part. There is more ahead of me - like getting comfortable facilitating services. Hopefully, not just Worship services, but perhaps others will seek out other Services as well. I wonder sometimes if this is really what i am supposed to be doing. It seems like it has taken a while to complete, and actually, i feel like a know less now than i did before. Actually, i might know more, but it's just like a being a jack of all trades - where i know a little about a lot of different religions and traditions, but am proficient at none. I have slightly more background with traditional christian and jewish traditions, because i have studied them for many years. However, there are parts of me that resonate with the goddess, native/indigenous and Zoroastrian traditions.

One of the musings i've had as i look to complete this work, is whether or not i have the discipline to keep delving in this area. I have felt distracted by my mundane life - my children, my work, my personal life. I feel myself pulling away from part of that in order to complete this project.

My guide, Musawwir, suggested that this is the area (Cherag work) i should focus on, and so i have. However, i still haven't felt my own inner knowing accepting this as my path, or the place where my energy will focus. Perhaps it is a stepping stone of sorts, or a tool for my toolbelt, as i grow into the being i am becoming.