Duality and the Pursuit of Perfection

This morning was so unlike yesterday that i feel compelled to write about it, and the nature of duality.

Spiritual studies have lent me an interesting view of the world, including the knowledge of duality, and the pursuit to rise above it. In my present moment, i am acutely aware of the way in which my practices afford me the opportunity to learn and experience the higher states of bliss and ecstasy. However, in my present life situation, i find that more than not the bliss and ecstasy is counter-balanced by feelings of anger, frustration and irritation. This morning, for example. Being a single mom means i am responsible for two more living beings in my home. My job is to keep them safe, fed and relatively happy. My hope is to instill in them a sense of responsibility and integrity. The only way i know how to do this is through example. One of my children, Sam, really balks at "the system". Mostly the educational system, but really anything organized. It just doesn't seem to work for him. He makes it very difficult for me to get him to follow the rules of society (i.e., do homework, get dressed, brush teeth, get on the bus and go to school). He's waiting for his mentor, and i'm not it. He doesn't want to run with the pack, and i understand that. I question authority. What i don't understand, is that he'd rather watch tv (which i have curtailed dramatically) or play video games, or have me read to him. I prefer different things. To each his own. This morning, i really had to examine why i was getting so angry, frustrated and irritated. It was a battle of wills. I don't really even want to play battle of wills. What i did want, however, was to have it easy. A complacent child. He's my teacher. How can i stay zen in the face of this behavior? I can't, yet.

Is the pursuit of perfection staying in my center while the world around me goads me into emotional turmoil or physical action? If it's not my kids, would i let world politics and the consumption mentality of those around me push me into a frenzy? Do i cater to the world of duality and take a side? And i can ask myself, if i can attain a place of inner peace and have it reflect outwardly, what purpose will that serve if there isn't a refection of that in my life - somewhere. I used to think that i would be able to find that reflection in a partner. Now, the only place i can find it is in nature. Even then, violence is a part of the natural rhythm of nature - the cycle of life and death.

Perfection then, becomes the realization that everything is that it should be. Surrender and acceptance of my imperfections and the world around me. Acceptance of the way things are in the moment, and that change is the only constant. Perfection in the imperfection.