The Struggle Within

In every moment, it seems there is always a choice. Sometimes I make decisions right away when one choice makes itself obvious. Other choices become a struggle.

In the moment, there is no struggle. Usually, for me, the struggle comes when I want to do something, take action, but then question myself for the reason or impetus behind the action. The struggle becomes a question of the future, not the now. The struggle rises within me as I look at the past and wonder what I could do to have a different outcome...so past and future and action/inaction.

I am learning to surrender to what is instead of taking action to make it different. The struggle then becomes surrendering to what is instead of what I think it should be (or should have been/ or should be in the future).

As I observe my own struggle within, I become more of the observer and generally bring myself back into the moment and the struggle abates.

Part of the struggle, too, I believe has to do with forgiveness, but that's the subject of another blog entry.

Time to Write Again

It's almost time for me to start writing again here. Life has been a process lately, and has kept me from sharing or practicing the writing.

I've been reading a good book, which perhaps has prompted me to start posting again - Melody Beattie's Language of Letting Go. It's been a long time since I read the Co-dependant No More book, and someone recommended the former title to me a few weeks ago. It's been a great reminder in small daily doses. While I was in the bookstore, I opened it to see if I would be hooked in by something there - and what I found was a quote: "Even God Can't Change the Past". Perfect and timely, since I have been grappling with wanting to change what is and what has happened lately, and that resistance has been causing me pain. Learning to let it go and stay in the present moment is the message that keeps coming through this book to me.