Entrusting

Here is a poem my friend, Joanna sent me yesterday. Hope you enjoy...

Entrusted...
It takes far less energy
to handle
the delicate vessels
and chalices
that are entrusted
to our care,
with love and gentleness,
than the amount
of energy required
to repair
the cracks and chipped edges,
that occur,
as the result
of the lack of regard
and respect
for that which is potentially
all too fragile...

Before Dreaming

Holidays are often a difficult time for so many people, myself included. Not just the holidays coming up, but i've also had difficult times around Memorial Day and Labor Day holidays as well. A lot of it is being sensitive to what's going on in the world and with those around me.

This evening, i was having a difficult moment, but as moments are, they are only there just for as long as you give time to them. I was thinking (sometimes not a great thing for me to do) about how sometimes i can't find solace or thanks for the 10,000 things that i have or can do. At these times i yearn for the no-thing. A stillpoint.

Finding my balance between the 10,000 things and the no-thing helps me regain my center. Sweet dreams.

Love Is Like A River

Many thanks to my good friend, Joanna, who sent me this today. It came to her mailbox and she passes these gems onto me. Here it is for you:

"If curious rock formations remind you of strange animals in the throes of creation; if the blossom of crab apple or winter plum bears a message that goes beyond mere prettiness, if water tumbling into a mountain pool fills you with inexplicable rapture; if walking in the rain makes you long to dance and sing; if a vista of rocks, pine trees, and purple hills seem to hint at what the poet calls 'another universe, a realm of immortals', then you have the makings of a Taoist.....one who, living in accord with nature's rhythms, may be drawn at last to seek union with the Sublime Tao"! John Blofeld

Puppy Love

Today, well for actually the past few months, i have been looking for a new companion. The four-legged kind. A little over two years ago, our faithful Jethro went to dog heaven, and it would be nice to have another pet join our family. I'm used to finding my pets on the street. As a girl, i remember finding most of our pets as strays.

Jethro was my first dog. He was dumped in the neighborhood, and it's a funny story about how i found him. Jethro was a little pup and trying to find his way across the street. my mom was driving and i asked her to stop. The pup went under the car and i reached under and picked him up. He looked just like the puppy that our neighbor, Neal just got. So, i took him up to Neal's door and knocked. Neal was surprised to see me and i told him i found his dog in the street. Nope, Neal said it wasn't his dog. Of course, i had to ask Neal if he was sure. He looked at me and said, Ellie is a girl dog and this is a male. Ooops. Well, Neal agreed to put the pup in the fenced yard with Ellie until i found him a family. After about 10 days of going to visit the pup every day, Neal called me up and said, "when are you coming to get your dog?" Okay. I guess he is mine, i thought. When i went to pick him up, Neal suggested i name him Jethro. Jethro and Ellie had a great time playing together, and Jethro was sad when Ellie moved away. There were times when we mentioned her name and his ears would perk up as he remembered her name. I miss Jethro. He was a great dog. Very smart and great manners.

We tried a kitten this summer...we were the foster family for Slinky. i had trouble breathing, and after a couple of months we found him a permanent family in the neighborhood.

So, i've been looking on Craig's List - where i found a job, actually - to find a new pet. i think i found something on Craig's list, and will give give the Fulton County Animal Service a try.

Treatise on Love VI - The Kid's Perspective

I received this e-mail from my Dad. Thanks! Here's a very interesting view of what Love means to younger kids:

What does Love mean?
A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?" The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love." Rebecca-age 8

When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth." Billy - age 4

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other." Karl - age 5

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs." Chrissy -age 6

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." Terri - age 4

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK." Danny - age 7

"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss" Emily - age 8

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen." Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate," Nikka - age 6 (we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday." Noelle - age 7

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well." Tommy - age 6

"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore." Cindy - age 8

"My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night." Clare - age 6

"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken." Elaine age 5

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford." Chris - age 7

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day." Mary Ann - age 4

"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones." Lauren - age 4

"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." (what an imagination) Karen - age 7

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross." Mark - age 6

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget." Jessica - age 8

And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry".

When there is nothing left but love, that is when you find out that love Is all you need.

EM & BS

Sam, my nine-year-old, has been having some trouble this year. This is not really new, but over the past few months, it has become a "hands on" issue.

One of the things we are doing for Sam is having him talk to a psychologist about his issues. They are too big for him, and i am too close to be the only one to help or listen to him. One of the things the psychologist is trying to explain to Sam (and everyone else) is that he (we) need to take responsibility for our actions. The part i am working on, too, is taking responsibility for my thoughts.

E.M.ing is short for Excuse Making. B.S.ing is short for Blame Shifting.

It is so amazing when looking at life from those two perspectives - very closely related - it is incredible to see how people interact with each other, and use EMing and BSing. The key for me, then, is to try to show by example other modes of operating. This has been considerably difficult, especially when trying to show by example with my ex.

Another observation i have made through this is that children with gifts (i.e. genius in specific learning areas, psychic gifts, etc.) have learning differences. My other child has difficulties in learning, too, and his gifts are different. Instead of squelching the gifts, i hope to find a way for them to deal with their individual needs.

Call to Duty

Last week i received a subpoena to appear in court this week. Actually, i am on call to appear tomorrow. This is for my friend, whose ex is fighting for custody of their two girls, after three years of divorce. I guess the best way to describe why i am being asked to do this is as a character reference.

Although i want to help my friend out and be available to her in her time of need, i am disappointed with the legal system. When i called her attorney's office to give them my telephone numbers (as requested in the letter accompanying the subpoena), i was told that the case was "on hold" with the judge. Therefore, i was asked how much notice would i need to appear in court. A half a day? What? I need as much time as possible to 1. tell my employer and 2. find a babysitter for my own children. It is amazing to me that while there is no way to tell how much time is needed for each case, it seems to me that the person who is scheduling these (no jury - just a judge) would have a pretty good idea if it is going to be a 10 minute signing of papers or a 2 hour synopsis. According to my friend, it doesn't look like Monday will be the day...or Tuesday, either. Perhaps on Wednesday. Hmmm.

It certainly must be stressful to her. I know that there is an undercurrent of stress in my life that is echoing.

An Interesting Adventure

Last night, i went to the Phoenix & Dragon bookstore for Kurt Vonnegut's 83rd birthday party. I was treated to a great magic show, lots of good reading materials, cake and punch and most of all, new friends. All of those things add up to me feeling really full today.

It's an interesting adventure opening up to meeting new friends. i have had to learn to trust myself and others to do this. It's a different kind of magical experience as an adult, but i think it makes us feel like kids again.

While i was at Kurt's birthday party, i was delighted to meet Ben, Liz, and other revelers, including Gihan and his friend, Ohan. Gihan spent a lot of time at the event drawing pictures reflecting what was going on - a kind of artist's journal of the party. At the end of the party, we gave each other a big hug. maybe it's an artist to artist thing...maybe it's just a deep understanding from the heart. i really don't know. Anyways, i was gifted with a special drawing and then said yes to an invitation to coffee and adventure. I had read a little bit about Gihan, and wanted the opportunity to hear his story. Everyone has a story, and i enjoy listening. Gihan said he felt like he had known me for a million years. i don't know if i remember that far back, but the comfort meter was really high for me. i've had many people tell me that i make them feel that way. maybe that's a gift i carry. It was beautiful hearing Gihan's perspective of the world and the vision he holds for everyone. The gift of holding that vision is what keeps the world spinning on it's axis.

It was a wonderful adventure, with more meeting of new friends, eating, dancing, and lots of laughter. I feel very cared for.