Rewiring Our Neuro Synapses For A Different Perspective

Lately, i have been encountering various people who are claiming that "this way is the only way" or "this way is the best way" to rewire the brain, or alter perception with the focus on enlightenment. There have also been people in my life over the years who intimate these things by pointing fingers at others and saying something like "they think they are becoming enlightened, but they are blinded by illusion, and moving in circles". Oh, i think. Okay. And i move on. The best thing i have ever read and what i try to go with, proposes that each person finds his or her own way.

Somehow, through trial and error, i have found that there are many ways of altering perception. Some of these i would not recommend to others, based on their inherently dangerous side effects. Other ways work better for me - usually the ones steeped in historical knowledge and wisdom. However, there are many ways. Since my personal experience has shown me that psychotropic drugs effect me negatively - in the long run - i eschew using them and prefer not to be around those who do for any length of time.

Recently, i came across an invitation to a psytrance dance being held here in Atlanta. As i peruse the website for clues about what this is all about - as it appears to be a global phenomenon - it appears to be what some of the 20 and early 30-somethings are experimenting with to expand and rewire their perception. Interesting. I might have to check it out!

Week in Review - Musings on Patterns

Hi. This week was an interesting mix of emotions and untangling. I suppose the "untangling" word is one which i use to describe untangling emotions - or at least getting to the point where the mind goes beyond what is happening and questions what the best course of action is, if any.

My schedule was totally 'disabled' this week. My morning meditation was thrown askew by one of my sons being out-of-school sick and having to go to the doctor. Two other mornings, my other son missed his bus, which means i need to drive him to school. Dealing with change is not always easy for me.

One of the other days, i fulfilled my roomparent duties by going into the classroom with an art project for the kids to complete with me. This was an extra duty, which i was feeling a bit resentful about when i was first told of it. Since i have a new job, i don't get paid for the time i miss from work. So any volunteer time during working hours is time i don't get paid for. bummer. Well, the experience was interesting. I shopped for the materials for the project and then had to schedule time to come into the classroom. While i was in the classroom, the energy was so diverse and kinetic, if i was a student there, it would be difficult for me to learn anything. The teacher was there, one substitute, and a high school volunteer. While i was there for the hour, the teacher and the substitute talked - the substitute read the newspaper - and the high school volunteer texted on her telephone. I worked with two or three kids at a time to complete the project, and the rest of the time, kids played in groups around the room. It was loud, and i was dismayed, since every time i have observed the classroom, it is a similar situation. I feel sorry for the kids.

One of my observations with the class project is that the kids kept trying to create patterns in the art. I would have them pick out a flat sided glass "stone" and glue it onto a platter or candle holder. The concept of wanting to follow a pattern was prevalent with all of the kids, some more than others. I had the opportunity to observe how it bothered some of them when a pattern wasn't the object...and because i would alternate who gave me the stone, it was impossible for the kids to make a pattern unless they communicated and had agreement among them, which was very rare. From my vantage point, i could see that i have done that in many areas of my life...looking for patterns to make sense out of it. Perhaps it is human nature to create patterns, prefer patterns as a sense of beauty, or find a sense of control and stability in pattern.

Starting Something New

Today i sat in Starbucks and wrote for an hour. Wow. There was lots of stuff coming out of the pen...well...out through me.

One of the things i wrote about was just what is going on in my head. which is a lot, but it doesn't necessarily follow any lines of continuity, although sometimes it finds a loop and tries to play it over and over again, trying to make sense of it.

Another thing that i was focused on writing about was my self-consciousness as i sat there. I wasn't meeting anyone, so i went by myself. I sat down and started to write. I became very conscious of how i looked, the dog hair on my shirt, how it didn't do my hair or wear make up. I watched feet pass by, but rarely looked up from my writing. I wrote about that.

The last thing i was writing about is an idea that i have for a women's circle. I was questioning myself about why i wanted to start up something new. Why do i feel the need to facilitate something like this. Then, i started writing down all of the things that i would like to talk to others about. A lot of things are my experiences and what i have been learning over the past four years. I know that there are several women in my life with rich information and experiences to share. The depth of knowledge and experience is just phenomenal. I must have written down several pages of ideas. I don't know if this is going to manifest into something, but the ideas are there. tons of them.

One of the reasons to start a circle would be to foster community and conscious communication...and support for our individuality and our journey(s).

Well, i think what i am going to do next is type out all of my notes (handwritten) and organize them and then send them to five of my friends and see what they think.

Practice Writing

I haven't been practicing my writing this week - much...
So, here, i have a bit of quiet time, since i'm doing laundry too. It's rainy outside and i'm letting the kids work upstairs.

I was going to write about my experience last weekend in Tom's shamanic healing circle, but somehow, i can't quite talk about it right now. I don't know. Maybe it needs to bubble a little bit more inside.

Lately, i've been tired. I've had this yucky cough and sinus thing for about two months. No fever, just the crap. I've also noticed that i'm tired because i kept chasing after things that weren't going anywhere - and used a lot of energy that way.

There's a lot to be said for spending all of one's energy. That way, at least i know i tried. Somehow, i feel like i'm trying to break some old patterns by pulling back and away. I've even started work on my thoughts, although sometimes when i try to stop thinking about something, it seems to build up later. hmmm.

I have gotten a couple of e-mails from the old boyfriend about classes he's giving. After so many months of no communication, there it is. I haven't responded. It's not easy for me, though. There's a part of me that wants to ask him why, but i can't imagine that he would have a response that would do me any good. Repeating the on again off again thing and hoping it would change. That sounds a lot like crazy. Doing something over again and expecting a different result. I wonder if that has anything to do with hope.

Last night Max was watching the History channel, and it was about the Rohn. Many of the men on there were killed, and their families were told they were missing in action. The government didn't tell the truth, presumably because it would hurt the public's opinion. Like a child who doesn't want to tell his/her parents the truth because they don't want their parents to be angry.
Anyways, i was touched to tears with the stories from these families. Hope that their husband/father was still alive and would come home one day. Living their lives with hope that their beloved was a POW and would be released. Even after the war, having dreams and hoping that their loved ones would return because the truth was held from them. Something reverberated in me with that, and i felt their loss deeply. Not only their loss of a family member, but their loss of time and life. Hope, which surely has been seen as a virtue, displayed it's darker side to me, and i saw myself in that.

I feel like i'm standing still now. Or at least maybe just moving in slow circles. Contemplating which way to step again. I do not want to be a casualty of war and life, hoping beyond reason and truth. Eventually, truth wins...even if it's not what we think it is.

Writing in Carl's Class

During our Monday writing class, Carl had us meditate for 10 minutes and then write for 10 minutes on whatever subject we wanted to write about. I was thinking I was going to write on a particular subject, but when I put my pen onto the paper, something else came out and it didn't feel like the right thing to do to try to change it. Because I want to see it again, I feel the opportunity to do it here. Here's what came out:

Today I am dreaming. What dream is to come tomorrow? Hence, hark! Silliness devoid of reason scatters the senses. Writing of a subject eludes me now, eventhough i want to write of other more substantial ideas and thoughts.

Ideals though, we can speak to you of these. Do not forsake your ideals, dear one. They are not so far from you.

Faith, yes, to have more faith will calm your worried, tired heart, sooth your mind, and dry your eyes.

Do not worry about that which time rules over - as you cannot rush others as you yourself have rushed like leaves rustle against the barren brown ground in a squall.

What is it thou seekest amongst the tempest of men that brings you to harbor ill will towards the fates? Have no doubt that the sight of All That Is is greater than those around you - even yourself. But you know that.

Listen for the beat of the drummer, steady and low and the beats pour out a cadence for your heart to follow. Let your spirit dance awhile before making or settling down.

Love one another, but you are tired, so feed your need to be alone now. Wiser you are, but pain is deep and needs time to transform. Give yourself the time. Do not push yourself. Let the others dance for awhile and find happiness in their dance when they are having trouble seeing it.

You may/can look into their hearts and point it out. Joy-bringer. Only one who has known deeper pain can.

Enough Faith

I had an interesting weekend, which i'll write more about in another post. Right now, i feel the need to exercise my option on writing about one of those "somethings" that is given little spoken value outside of traditional religion. Faith.

On Sunday, i attended the Urs of Hazrat Inayat Khan. It was a small group of six that met to recognize the day that murshid died. A death day. In sufi tradition, i have heard it called a wedding day. The day a soul leaves the body and joins again with the one-ness. A happy day for the soul, but perhaps not so happy day for those souls left in their bodies. The feeling of separation is so much greater in the body.

Anyways, as part of the Urs, we got to pick a saying of Murshid from one of his many published books - Bowl of Saki. Simple yet profound sayings on the subject of life.

Mine, which perhaps i kept, hmm, mentioned "Ye of little faith". Yep, i can safely say that perhaps i have not taken faith as an attribute to foster in my life. Maybe that's pragmatic, maybe it was an oversight, and maybe it just wasn't time. I have had that said to me before, most recently by an old boyfriend, about a year ago.

Since i have been actively trying to release those old relationships and patterns surrounding the pain associated with attachment, and the patterns of my choice making based on old belief systems, etc., etc. It was timely to hear about faith.

For some reason, pain has seemed to drown out or eclipses so many of those other attributes - like love, happiness, joy, faith.

And, for one reason or another, i really didn't have a good idea of what Faith felt like - or an increase in Faith - felt like, until i asked for it. I had confused Belief and Faith, and I had confused Devotion and Faith as well. However, over the last few days, i have a better understanding what Faith can mean. Blind Faith, and Faith based on an understanding of personal responsibility.

TGIF

Yep,
The work week is over - well almost. i have my other job(s) to work on this weekend...it doesn't seem to end, not with my heating bill at $333 last month. yikes. i might have to advertise for a roommate. Well, that probably wouldn't work right now, but maybe i just need to sell a little more jewelry along w/the day job. ebay, i might have to do ebay.

Dinner w/the folks tonight was good. shrimp stirfry.

i don't know if i have a lot to write tonight, but as i was coming home, i was thinking about trying a new writing venue. I read about picking cafes, or other places to sit and write. Now, i've been into some Starbucks and Caribous here that look promising - except that everyone seems to be surreptitiously looking at everyone else....and they don't seem to get up and move around much. Like i might have to go early and stake out a seat, or something. i think some of my local cafes are like that - but the one in buckhead seems that way. it seems almost like a club, and i should have a laptop if i want to fit in. plus, i might find myself staring at the fire a lot. space cowgirl.

Well, it's a thought. Once i sat at a cafe - and i think it was a starbucks - a couple of years ago and wrote an outline for a class that i came up with during one of my marathon baths. It is called Spiritual Communication - and i think i robbed ideas from a few of the seminars i had gone to and put them together as an interactive class on communication. So far, i haven't had the opportunity to try to teach it. Plus, it's a couple of years old now...maybe someday it will come in handy and come out of hibernation.

Sometimes i get my best design ideas in the shower. My clients like jewelry that they can retail under 40. Coming up with designs in semi-precious stones, pearls & swarovski crystal and sterling for under 40 can be a challenge. Unfortunately, it seems as though the competition has gotten the better of me lately. I have to get some new stuff done and photographed soon for the spring show applications.

I get some interesting ideas w/water. Maybe that's why i've been jones-ing for a hottub.

What's Life Got To Do With IT?

The funniest thing just happened.
I wrote the title of the blog, not really knowing what to say and then a finger pushed the wrong button, and it published without any text. hmmmm. so, i'm in edit mode.
As i was coming downstairs to write, i was thinking that maybe this on-line writing blog thing is a bit egotistical. hmmm. Well, maybe sort of. Now that i think about it, nothing is all-the-way anymore, in my perspective.
Lately, i've been angry at god/goddess/whatever. So much bullshit, mudslinging, pain, and suffering. What gives? That's the doorway to love?
I read a chapter heading yesterday for a book that was reviewed in one of the new-age rags in town. The title of the chapter had to do with Escorts to the Divine - the people who you fall in love with and then (you) break your heart and find the Beloved. Sounds a bit obtuse, but i understand the premise, and sometimes can see it in action. I've noticed people who have lost a partner/parent/sibling at funerals. I've seen them actually glowing.. . it's like they have a cocoon of light around them. At first i thought it might be shock, and maybe that's what shock looks like.
Seems like God's been around long enough nudge us toward another pathway. Maybe she does, and we are just too slow to get it. i can't really speak for everyone, so maybe i should say, i'm slow getting it.
This weekend is another adventure.
My friend, John, has invited me to his shamanic circle. He's an apprentice to Tom Lake, and i think it would be interesting to see what it's about. Plus, it feels good to be invited.
I have been going to my writing class - and am really enjoying it. Usually i journal in one of my journals, but tonight i thought i'd write here.
sweet dreams.