New Year's Eve

So, it's NY's Eve, and i'm hope with the kids. It's pretty quiet, we've been fed and Lucky is sleeping on the couch behind me. I've been writing a bit today. All of the difference facets of my life that demand attention. I don't have enough time, energy, and money to do everything. So, i've taken time today to write down some of those things, and see what i should focus on in the coming year. It's taking awhile. I'm writing them down in a semi-outline format and then going back and taking each question and examining it...and asking questions - in some detail and writing down the answers that have been coming from within. Also, i've been practicing with a pendulum as a cross reference. I've used the pendulum before, and have noted that there seems to be a percentage of discrepancy - so things change.

One of the first things we have decided to do tomorrow is have a family meeting...
to discuss some of our wishes and hopes for the coming year, set some goals and boundaries, and then the plan is to check in on how we are doing once a month...and revise as needed.

We have some sparklers to celebrate the new year, and some movies too. I enjoy the quiet time with the kids. I'll also do a burning bowl ceremony and ask them if they want to do it with me. We'll write down the things we want to release in our lives and what we want to bring in and burn it in a shell with some white sage. It's a nice little ritual.

Happy New Year

Something Doesn't Feel Right

I'm supposed to be getting ready for dinner with my family.
Something doesn't feel quite right.
Maybe it's me.
It's my parent's anniversary. My siblings decided at the last minute to get them a nice digital camera for a present. . . but they decided without me. Okay, i'm okay with that...mostly.

My brother is in from LA. I thought he would be more laid back than he has been. I'm sure traveling can be stressful. I know it can be for me. Yesterday i spent the day making lasagna dinner for everyone. It took hours to get everything done. The table conversation was stressful. I hope tonight we can having meaningful conversation that is dialed down a few notches on the stress-o-meter. My parents are taking us to one of the best restaurants in the city tonight. I'm supposed to wear "the bracelet". It's one of the most beautiful pieces of jewelry i've ever seen. Better than what's in Harry Winston's NY store. I know. I went to look in the store last summer.

My outlook on the whole scenario is layered - and therefore somewhat conflicted. One part of me is excited to be dressing up and going out to a restaurant that has provided some of the most enjoyable meals i have ever experienced. Nice. Celebrating my parent's marriage of 45 years. Extra nice. Maybe that's all there has to be. But, on the other hand, it's extravagant. And there are so many people out there who don't have anything.
.....and i'm not sure if i'll enjoy myself if i have to walk on eggshells and bite my tongue.

Tonight, my friend Joanna is having conversation cinema at her store. It's a movie i'd like to see, but i won't be able to go. sometimes being my authentic self is easier with friends than with my family. i wonder why that is.

Happy Holidays!

Solstice

Yesterday - and i supposed part of today, as well, could be included in the solstice. The darkest part of the year for this particular one. Many cultures celebrate or mark this date with ceremonies. For me, basically, this is a time to go deep within and review the past year.

Also, yesterday, i tried to write this post twice. No kidding. The ghost in the machine wouldn't let me. The computer froze up both times when i tried to put the document through spell check. Then, I received a couple of phone calls asking me to attend a solstice celebration down in Candler Park. Okay. I guess I'll write about solstice today!

It was a beautiful ceremony in an existentialist church. The e-church, Joanna calls it. The priestess process groups put on the celebration, with readings, music and some theatre. And, there was some of the best drumming i've heard in a long time.

One of the most amazing things to me, was that i saw a lot of people that have met over the past four years. It was very cool for me. I saw people that i knew from my priestess friends (i personally haven't gone through the priestess process, but i have quite a few friends who have). I saw friends from the Dances of Universal Peace, from the Sufi community, from Tantra classes, and Tai Chi. Interesting! I have been to other solstice celebrations, but i found this one to be very social and upbeat. I was glad to have found my babysitter at the last moment to attend.

Usually, I do my own solstice celebration. I center and write down the things that i feel can be released from my life. I also write down the things that i want to bring into my life. Then, i take the papers and burn them with some white sage, in my large shell. I usually look at the stars for awhile and contemplate and quiet myself.

Destiny

I've been thinking a bit about Destiny over the past few years. Most of my encounters with others, I think of as a form of Destiny. Some of the contacts i've made, i've been guided to meet. Others are simply patterns from a dream - finally manifesting. Some seem to be both.

I've also been thinking about my last boyfriend - a lot. I really miss him very much right now, eventhough our relationship was pretty toxic for me. I was able to learn a lot about a lot of new things, new ideas, and alternate ways of living. Not all of these are what I choose to be in my life now. I realize that i have looked upon this relationship also as a failure, since i felt like i tried everything to make it viable, and it didn't work. Perhaps the failure was not being able to see the reality of the situation - and if that's so - it's not a failure, but a opportunity to find a clearer perception of what is.

One of the first things I asked him was, "Do you believe in Destiny?". When I saw this commentary today, I understand that when i asked that question, i didn't have the breadth of understanding that this quote imparts. I'd like to believe that i am a little closer to this now.

Here's a commentary from Hazrat Inayat Khan, from today's Bowl of Saki:

An unsuccessful man often keeps success away by the impression of his former failures.
Bowl of Saki, by Hazrat Inayat Khan

It is said in the Gayan, 'The present is the reflection of the past, and the future is the re-echo of the present.' Destiny is not what is already made. Destiny is what we are making. Very often fatalists think that we are in the hands of destiny, driven in whatever direction in life destiny wills; but in point of fact we are the masters of our destiny, especially from the moment we begin to realize this fact. ... Destiny means the materialization of man's own thought. Man is responsible for his success and failure, for his rise and fall. And it is man who brings these about either knowingly or unknowingly.

How Many, Many Feet Do You Meet?

Right Foot, Left Foot
Feet, Feet, Feet,
How Many, Many Feet You Meet?

The book by Dr. Suess is better, but i was reminded of it last night. My friend, Denise, got me a reflexology gig for last night. I ended up driving down past the airport & getting a babysitter for almost 6 hours - but it was worth it! The lady who called me was having a party - and she loves reflexology, so she wanted her friends to receive some for the holidays. We negotiated a fee, which included my driving time, too. I didn't know what to expect, but i met a lot of lovely women! When i arrived, she told me that the people she had hired for pedicures had cancelled at the last moment, and perhaps i would be okay with seeing a few more guests. Okay, i thought. At the end of the evening, she asked me how many women had received reflexology, and i told her i didn't count! She said, "you don't remember how many feet you saw?" I know she was just kidding with me, but it reminded me of the poem.

I love gigs like that. Lots of happy people and nice quan.
Happy Feet.

Our Newest Family Member

This past weekend, the boys and I went out (with my mom, too) to look for a new addition to our family. We'd been looking on the internet for new dogs and puppies. Our dog, Jethro, had died about two years ago...and we still miss him. He was a wonderful dog and we will always remember him. Now, we've adopted a new girl. Her name was Laney, but we've renamed her Lucky. Well, Max & Sam renamed her Lucky, since she is lucky to be part of our family.

I don't have a digital camera yet, so here's
Lucky

Who Is Voting For and Paying These People?

This arrived in my in-box this morning. I've seen it before. I don't know if the numbers are accurate, but here it is:

36 have been accused of spousal abuse
7 have been arrested for fraud
19 have been accused of writing bad checks
117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
3 have done time for assault
71, repeat 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
8 have been arrested for shoplifting
21 currently are defendants in lawsuits. and
84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year Can you guess which organization this is?
Give up yet? . . . Scroll down, citizen !

It's the 535 members of the United States Congress. The same group of Idiots that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.

Gratitude

Here's a cool short flick

A Taoist Look at Religion and Spirituality

What’s the difference between the erotic and
spiritual?
Temples and lovers are equally gaudy.

What’s the difference between eroticism and spirituality?
Both refer to ecstasy.
Both lead to transcendence of the self.
Both lead to unification with a larger order.
Both are vulnerable to the excesses of perversion, lust, sadism, obsession, and madness.

Eroticism and spirituality—the two deepest endeavors of humanity are twins.
Both eroticism and spirituality mean intense involvement in the diversity and color of the world.
But there is a higher order, a state where one is holiness itself.
Then nothing of the world of color matters to you anymore.
the pleasures of the couch will mean nothing.
Neither will the glories of the ascetic’s effort mean anything.
Only by entering the colorless state of pure, blinding light can there be freedom from the twins.

Meditation changes your consciousness.
The type of consciousness that emerges depends on the meditation.
Your consciousness in turn colors your perceptions of the world around you. There is no such thing as objective reality.
You color everything.
If you want the highest state of being, aim for consciousness without color.

colorlessness
365 Tao daily meditations
Deng Ming-Dao (author)