Writing about Frustration

I need to get my daily quotient of writing in today. I need to take some deep breaths, too.

Today has been nice, but frustrating. My friend, Tony, came over to chat and visit. My friend Shoshi called, and i hadn't seen her in a long time. Sam was difficult, since he is over tired. Max stayed out of everyone's way and was generally good natured. Not me. Last night i started in on the emotion "anger". Seething, more likely. Mostly in my mind and thoughts. Definitely not the kind of thoughts i would want to act on. Good thing last year's resolution was to learn to "respond not react". I explored the anger a little more today. Sabotaging creativity, to be sure. Anger takes a lot of energy, but interestingly enough, i seemed to gain some energy from this anger.

At first, when i got really angry, i could feel it at the base of my spine and shoot upwards. That was pretty cool. Not what i expect from kundalini, but it felt cleansing, in a way. Today i used the energy to do cooking. I chopped a lot of onions and other veggies to make a big pot of vegetable soup, a big pot of chili and stir fry....two loads of laundry and some - but not enough - clean up. Bathed the dog and read to Sam for two hours, since i took the t.v. away today.

I am in a saturn opposition. Lots of stuff is coming up. I spent some time on the phone this weekend with my friend, Dan, who is a cool astrologer. He pointed out some things to me about my chart and my old boyfriend's chart. That pretty much clinched it for me. I could actually see - visualize - the issues and energetics that aren't going to change and something clicked and made sense. No way that's going to work long term. He was right. I don't like being wrong, but i am getting used to it.