Keeping It Real

The past week has gone by in almost a blur. I started the new job, which takes up a big chunk of my day. The part that was mostly my own time. Everything is shifting back into spaces of time where it can fit - exercise, shopping, cooking, homework - it all is moving into a new pace and place.

This weekend offered me a bit of time to myself, and i was very grateful for that. I was able to spend a good bit of my free time with friends - some of them very new - and some not-so-new. During the week, i had a couple of phone calls from a friend of mine, which was nice. What became difficult for me was how to express myself to that friend. Something inside of me has changed and now the old way of our togetherness isn't appropriate for me anymore. I found myself having to express myself in a way that i hadn't done before. There was a point of clarity and an opportunity to express a newly uncovered part of me. I was able to go into my heart and ask and follow my own guidance right when i needed to. Being my own best friend, and keeping myself as real as i can be. Being authentic with myself is becoming a blessing, but in this case, it felt as though i was having to give something up as well. As with life, things keep happening and i have let myself learn, grow and change from my experiences. There has been a point of growing clarity about my own authenticity and needs, and this experience was an opportunity for me to honor that part of myself.

Edgewalking and Scorpionic Energies

Well, the time of Halloween - All Hallowed Eve and All Saints Day, Shamhain, etc., is almost upon us. I'm eagerly looking forward to putting on a mask and heading out for adventure.

This morning, before i head off to the office adventure, i thought i'd copy and paste something that arrived in my mailbox today. It's about edgewalking and scorpio energies, with which i am becoming familiar. The theme that i wrote about in an earlier post about death before dying is tied in here with the scorpio mysteries as well.

Enjoy this Tidbit from the Shamanic Astrology group.


Here is an extra offering of the Celestial Timings in honor of Jupiter’s move into Scorpio…

Jupiter in Scorpio Edgewalking and Renewing Our Vision of Passion, Ecstasy, and Right Use of Will Oct 25, 2005 to Nov 24, 2006
The Scorpio Mantra… I Will, My Will, Be Thy Will

Edges are important
because they define a limitation
in order to deliver us from it.
When we come to an edge
we come to a frontier
that tells us that
we are now about to become more
than we have been before.
As long as one operates in the middle of things,
one can never really know
the nature of the medium in which one moves.

The Time Falling Bodies Take to Light William Irwin Thompson

”The unconditional Love of the Spirit is understood by many on Earth at present.There is another energy, though, that is also part of the Divine Creation, which has not yet been fully understood – the Divine Will. The Will expresses as feelings. The Spirit and the Will are partners in the body and must find their balance in the Heart.”

Right Use of Will
Healing and Evolving the Emotional BodyReceived by Ceanne DeRohan

Jupiter’s move into Scorpio on Oct 25, 2005 expands all shamanic themes of Death, Rebirth, Regeneration, Right Use of Will and Edgewalking. We are being invited to consciously walk the edges of what is dying and what is being birthed with opportunities for willfully (purposefully) creating a new paradigm ecstatically aligned with Divine Love and Divine Will. There is no one way to do this that is better than any other, however the process is more gracefully facilitated when we embrace what is unfolding while releasing any attachments to specific results.

Most of us will experience varying degrees of fear around the edges of what is changing. Although some may try to avoid these new unfamiliar edges the changes are already in motion and new edges - like new frontiers - are emerging. Edges are dividing lines between things or where one thing leaves off and another begins. There are edges between cultures, races, belief systems, paradigms, and people. There are edges to our homes, to our communities, to our differences, and to our choices. Everything has an edge and indeed everyone walks an edge of some kind. So why not choose to explore these edges with openness, curiosity, passion and awareness?

Conscious Edgewalking occurs when we seek out the edges of contemporary beliefs and existing paradigms, choosing to move beyond them, exploring and expanding into new passionately alive territory. Conscious Edgewalking requires willingness to walk the edges of old and new ways, bridging what has been with what is emerging, allowing death to embrace what is ready to die, creating space for new ideas, new ways, and new experiences to birth.

Another aspect of the Scorpio mysteries is connected to manifestation. When we allow ourselves to explore the edges of our known reality with passion and intensity we automatically move into new ecstatic territory alive with great magic and life force. It is this passion that guides us, allowing expressions of grace to permeate our experience. Scorpio’s passionate, intense life force energy has been greatly feared and repressed in recent historical times splitting us off from full on healthy connection with our emotional bodies creating depression, anxiety, anger and so on.

So the current conscious Scorpio edge further explores feelings in ways that are safe, effective and transformative, ultimately leading to new experiences of ecstasy and bliss. The best Scorpio manual addressing these issues I know of is the first half of the book Right Use of Will received by Ceanne DeRohan. This book describes how it was through misunderstanding that a split occurred between the Will and the Spirit. This caused many to believe their feelings (or their Will) was not acceptable and the practice of repressing feelings began. The book points out that, “…the Will of God is not in opposition to the Will of the individual…” When we are healthy our Will is automatically aligned with Divine Will. And the fastest way to heal and evolve the Will is to …”express everything you feel, and do not stop expressing, emotionally or otherwise, until you have really finished. You must not impose this on others that do not want it, for just as it is not spiritual balance to deny yourself in favor of others, it is not spiritual balance to deny others in favor of yourself either…” So, as Jupiter travels through the Scorpio Realm over the next 13 months this is an opportune time to give ourselves permission to explore and accept our feelings in ways that are safe and healthy while also supporting ecstatic growth. Finding safe healthy ways to clear the Will and all the emotional trauma it has been holding is often hugely overwhelming and it can greatly help to find skilled assistance. Any process work that provides a safe space for getting in touch with our deeper feelings such as breathwork, body oriented counseling, shamanic journeying, and whole being integration work can be powerfully supportive during this next year. I am including a link and information for process work I have found helpful (with more to be added later) for those who desire assistance in fully consciously walking these new ecstatic edges.

A Quick Update

Well, i have a new part-time job! There are so many mixed emotions going on with that. Back working for the man. Still working the jewelry business - and reflexology and aromatherapy. Then, being a mom to two boys, not to mention the volunteer work at school and my cherag studies.

Today, i have a quick reprieve. I am going to go volunteer at the BRAC center...Probably for the last time for awhile. I can't do it all and something has to give. I'll miss those guys, too.

The part-time job is everyday, and is office administration work. i never thought i'd go back to doing that again. Seven years at Arthur Andersen seemed like enough. But, for the last few years, the business hasn't been what it used to be. I used to bring home at least 3-5x what i did at my last two shows. All of the artists are saying the same thing. Business is tough. But, i don't want to give it up totally. So, i'll keep the clients i already have and keep doing some shows as well...maybe bankroll another project.

Anyways, since i'll be working, writing might take a back seat as well. Hopefully, i'll keep the dream alive of writing that book, tho....one of my kids told me i should write a book like Harry Potter (which we've been reading together). Ha!

I received my halloween costume, which i ordered on e-bay. So, the fun part of my imagination is trying to decide how to accessorize it! making time for fun is essential in keeping a positive outlook on life.

Politically Incorrect

I was in the Candler Park Festival this past weekend. It was the most beautiful weather in Atlanta all year, it seemed. There were friendly people and some alternative ideas and pamphlets floating around. Several people stopped me to talk. I guess i seem approachable, or they are really good extroverts! Anyways, one guy was passing out flyers about keeping kids out of school on November 2 to rally against Bush.

I looked at the guy and told him that i was apolitical. I made a blanket statement and said that i think all politicians are creeps (that's not necessarily true personally...it's just that i don't like the thinking behind their platforms). Then, i tried to elaborate, and told him i was a creative anarchist. He told me he is a communist. I didn't flinch. Maybe he knew what a creative anarchist is. i have a vague idea of what a communist is. In theory, all of these words have a clearer meaning than putting them into practice in reality.

Thinking of that last sentence this morning prompted this blog. Theory versus reality. It's so interesting to me that so many of us continue to harbor beliefs that are black and white. Meaning, when political theories are brought into reality, they either don't hold or measure up. The variables in reality change constantly. My idea is that most theories don't have room for these variables. My perception is that theories don't reflect their basic premises when they get tried out in society - like communism, democracy or even capitalism. I was musing about whether the variable factor is that society - or humans as a collective - just aren't ready to practice theories like this yet. It involves altruism. My perception is that most humans don't know how to practice that.

Ups and Downs From Rumi's Point of View

As always, life is full of ups and downs. My last post this morning was about the funny and nice things that happened to me yesterday. Of course, there were some not-so-nice things as well. My friend, Joanna, always timely and wise, forwarded me this poem. A type of viewpoint that everything happens is a part of life.

ACCEPT LIFE'S UPS AND DOWNS
You know how it is.
Sometimes we plan a trip to one place,
but something takes us to another. . . .

God fixes a passionate desire in you,
and then disappoints you.
God does that a hundred times!

God breaks the wings of one intention
and then gives you another,
cuts the rope of contriving, so you'll remember your dependence.

But sometimes, your plans work out!
You feel fulfilled and in control.

That's because, if you were always failing,
you might give up. But remember,
it is by failures that lovers
stay aware of how they're loved.

Failure is the key
to the kingdom within.

-- Rumi in Feeling the Shoulder of the Lion, translated by Colman Barks

A Little of This, A Little of That

I know, i know...
sometimes sitting down to let the words just spew out when i don't really have anything very intellectual or pressing that needs to get put down and out - seems rather a waste of time. However, since i haven't posted in a couple of days, and my fingers are feeling itchy, i guess it's time to share a few tidbits.

Yesterday, I laughed a lot. it was a very good thing. First, one of my bookmarked blogs reminded me of another blogging friend, and his flame tricks. Benjamin Garth, can you improvise to do THIS?. It gave me the giggles all day.

On another note, i had the nicest IM chat i think i've ever had yesterday. Actually, i had two. In both cases, the men i were IMing with are highly intelligent, verbally competent and generally made my day and evening so much sweeter. Thank you!

Yesterday was filled with other good things. It doesn't take much to make me happy, but a good bargain will almost always make me feel fulfilled in a way that's hard to explain. I have been most fortunate to have been invited to not one, but two halloween parties. Yes, they are dress-up, too! Of course, i have been a witch so many times over the past years, i felt that i needed a change. The old graduation robe and hat won't cut it for these par-tays. So, since i had already perused Party City with my kids (they found what they wanted there)...i headed to my virtual shopping spot, E-bay. I had spent considerable time looking for the past couple of days and yesterday morning happened to log-in and waa-laa. i found a perfect something just for me! I watched and waited and the heavens were smiling...i was the ONLY bidder and found myself the WINNER of this perfect something at the perfect price.

I hope my luck continues onward from this moment forward. I have an interview today - keep your fingers crossed for me, please. And, this weekend i'll be selling my wares (jewelry) down at the Candler Park Festival. Again, if any of you gentle readers have any influence upon the weather, we're hoping for no heavy downpours.

That's all for now...

Treatise on Love - V - Transcending Time

I received this as an e-mail today and thought it worthy of posting.
It was another confirmation that we are all here to help each other along the path each of us is traveling. Some of my best friends and lovers have walked away, but their gifts to me remain. In that way, the love (the energy that transforms us) we share transcends the time that we were/are together. The most recent things that have popped up in my consciousness is honoring everyone's path as valid. Also finding, in a gentle way, the best way to assist them.

Reasons, Seasons & Lifetimes

People come into your life for a Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime. When you know which one it is for a person, you will know what to do for that person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a Godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered, and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons: things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Thank you for being a part of my life!

Prose Before Bedtime

I had to write this down before going to sleep last nite. I was actually thinking of Kurt Vonnegut and his upcoming birthday party here in Atlanta. I don't know if i'm bold enough to post the photo that goes with this. Go figure.

Happy Birthday, Mr. V

Be an empty vessel,
A Chalice, if you will.
Light passes through,
Darkness is but a shadow.

We have begged for entry at the threshold of the Beloved.
The arms of Delusion have comforted us all too willingly.

Truth is elusive,
But not the illusion that love can be.
Holding on to either won't bring peace.

Nurturing oneself with the sun,
And watching the breeze play with leaves at the tops of trees
Brings temporary detachment.

Become the undulating reflection of the moon upon the lake,
Or the whisper of air under the dragonfly's wings.

The Other Side of The Story

I received this in an e-mail recently. Is is really all true?
To me, it's just more mud slinging...

Dear Friends:

Many years ago in Seattle, two wonderful neighbors, Elliott and Patty Roosevelt came to my home to swim on a regular basis. They were a great couple full of laughter and stories that today I continue to marvel at. Both are now deceased, but their stories remain. During the years of our friendship we had many, many discussions about his parents (President Franklin D. and Eleanor Roosevelt) and how his father and mother never intended for the Social Security and Welfare programs to turn out the way they are today. Elliott used to say that if his mother returned to earth and saw what the politicians had done to their programs she would have burned all of them in hell.

Here is a story I received today regarding the Social Security Program and I immediately thought of Elliott's comments. Hope you will read this and think about it.

Franklin Roosevelt, a Democrat, introduced the Social Security (FICA) Program. He promised:

1.) That participation in the Program would be completely voluntary.

2.) That the participants would only have to pay 1% of the first $1,400 of> their annual incomes into the Program,

3.) That the money the participants elected to put into the Program would> be deductible from their income for tax purposes each year,

4.) That the money the participants put into the independent "Trust Fund" rather than into the General operating fund, and therefore, would only be used to fund the Social Security Retirement Program, and no other Government program, and,

5.) That the annuity payments to the retirees would never be taxed as income.

Since many of us have paid into FICA for years and are now receiving a Social Security check every month -- and then finding that we are getting taxed on 85% of the money we paid to the Federal government to "put away," you may be interested in the following:

Q: Which Political Party took Social Security from the independent "Trust" fund and put it into the General fund so that Congress could spend it?

A: It was Lyndon Johnson and the democratically controlled House and>Senate.

Q: Which Political Party eliminated the income tax deduction for Social Security (FICA) withholding?

A: The Democratic Party

Q: Which Political Party started taxing Social Security annuities?

A: The Democratic Party, with Al Gore casting the "tie-breaking" deciding vote as President of the Senate, while he was Vice President of the US

AND MY FAVORITE:

Q: Which Political Party decided to start giving annuity payments to immigrants?

A: That's right! Jimmy Carter and the Democratic Party. Immigrants moved into this country, and at age 65, began to receive Social Security payments! The Democratic Party gave these payments to them, even though they never paid a dime into it!

Then, after doing all this lying and thieving and violation of the original contract (FICA), the Democrats turn around and tell you that the Republicans want to take your Social Security away! And the worst part about it is, uninformed citizens believe it! If enough people receive this, maybe a seed of awareness will be planted and maybe good changes will evolve. Maybe not, some Democrats are awfully sure of what isn't so.

Here's some more propaganda on the subject.

Justice?

Check it out.

Treatise on Love IV - The Divine Within

So, as i turn inwards to find the Divine Within, i undoubtedly move into a place where there is a reflection on the outside. The Inner Divine seeks to become clearer and more defined, and seemingly, the outward choices i am asked to make become the testing ground for clarity.

Finding and trusting the Inner Divine has been an ongoing process. The clarity comes in uncovering more truths about my own process through the interactions with others and observation. For example, in order to uncover the Inner Divine, i find i must be brutally honest with what i am feeling within and examining how and if this is serving me. The last part i was able to uncover had to do with my goals and whether or not i have the inner strength to keep up with the unerring push towards that ideal. Is my old concept of the ideal merely a fantasy around which my life situations mirror? This seems to be the case just now. I entered into a situation where i was given the gift of meeting someone who is able to communicate their desires and fantasy to me, i suppose in hopes that i would be able to help them realize them. I was forced to look at my own fantasy and expectations. The gift was being able to see that my fantasy has been a pattern reflected in each and every possible relationship i have ever been attracted to - and most of the time undermined any realism. And that's just it...a fantasy. Now, too, i was able to see where my fantasy became involved and quite detailed, leaving not too much room for spontaneity.

There seems to be no guarantee, and to keep expending energy in the direction of the ideal and/or fantasy has lead me to a place where i cannot see where change for the betterment of myself or others is being made. Maybe i'm too close to see it. Perhaps spending my energy on losing weight or changing my hair color is a more worthy, tangible, albeit materialistic goal.

Aaackkk...

this reminds me of a story about Saint Theresa, as she walked on a very muddy, rainy night, raising her fist to the heavens and saying something like, "if this is how you treat your Friends, no wonder you don't have many!" ...

Dancing, Drums, Chants and Other Active Ways to Transcend

Last night, my friend N8 and i went down to The Land Trust for an experience. The first and third Saturday nights of every month there is a drumming circle with bonfire, dancing, percussion, and onlookers and other activities. It was our first visit down to this event.

As we walked down Arizona Ave, we could hear the drumming. We were stopped at a road block, as the neighbors collected money for the Land Trust, which is also an attempt to keep riff raff out of the park.

We walked closer down to the Trust and the drumming grew louder. We walked along a path, through trees and seemingly out of the city. In a clearing, there was pit, with a nice bonfire burning, bellydancers, other dancers, and lots and lots of drummers. I recognized several friends, and moved into the circle. There were lots of people of all ages sitting, dancing and drumming. It was dark, the stars were shining and the fire was hot. The drumming went on almost nonstop while we were there - and it's my understanding it starts around 9:30 p.m. and lasts until 12 midnight.

Drumming can definitely bring one to an ecstatic state. So can dancing. Dancing with drumming, combined with fire is a wonderful way to ease into a trance-like state, moving energy and connecting with the earth. Chanting can bring one to a similar place, but i find that moving the body has overall a nice, earthy, total feeling about it. This type of dancing is following your body's movement and following the rhythm. It's not about looking good, but rather, moving and breathing consciously. Sometimes trance dance, which is done in a more controlled environment, includes blindfolding the dancer and the use of firebreath (a specific method of breathing). Here, in nature, with many of the senses being stimulated at once, it was a very sensuous, energetic, and light-hearted experience.

The Corpse Bride - What Kind of Love Is This?

This week, thanks to Gov. Perdue, my kids had a four-day weekend. I was fortunate enough to have some playmates for them...and we all went to the movies to see The Corpse Bride.

Although i wasn't enthralled with the movie, it portrayed a lot of different ideas about marriage and love in a very short time! The hero and earthly heroine are destined for a marriage of convenience. As fate would have it, they have an affinity towards each other immediately. The movie plot twists and turns and the hero ends up on the "other side" with another-world bride. Even though the hero resists this turn of fate, he begins to see the luminous part of his underworld betrothed, and agrees to marry her. As the movie progresses, the hero finds himself in a bind, having to keep his word to two different women in two different worlds. I won't give away the rest of the movie, but suffice it to say, it made me feel something deep within.

So, the issue arises about why people get married - historically and today. Love, in all it's guises and the idea of love beyond the earthly plane. Also, how integrity and responsibility create tension and depth in relationships...no matter if the intention is monogamous, transmutes to polyamorous, and then moves on into the unconditional flow of what is.