Words of Wisdom

A friend sent this quote from the Buddha to me in a recent email:

"Believe nothing because a wise person said it.
Believe nothing because it is generally held.
Believe nothing because it is written.
Believe nothing because it is said to be Divine.
Believe nothing because someone else believes it.
Believe only what you yourself judge to be true."

Paradigm Choice

Just a quick note before i go to work...
Sometimes i believe we have a choice. One of them is shaping our personality in the face of apathy, adversity, biology and culture.

Do we play in the paradigm of victim, perpetrator and hero?
or
Do we play in the paradigm of love, lover and beloved?

15 Minute Miracle

My mom got an idea for a 15- minute miracle. These mini-miracles are when someone has 15 extra minutes and they pick a "project" and clean it up. My house is messy. 15-minute miracles like this work, but i don't do them often enough.

I have about 15 minutes right now. I'm thinking, should i clean or write. Write.

Here's what i would do if i could have 15 minutes as President of the United States. I do not want this job, however. Just 15 minutes of suggestions that would put into effect:

1. August is International Holiday month. A "house swap" for a week during August would help Americans appreciate other cultures and their own. It could be suggested to choose a different country or two to visit each year, especially countries where English is not spoken.

2. Change the uniforms of our soldiers. Maybe their shoes are too tight. They don't look happy. Maybe putting them in jeans and t-shirts and teaching them how to build with mortar instead of destroying with mortar would give Americans a better rap in foreign countries.

3. Buy more land for conservation and National Parks. Ted Turner can do it. So can we.

4. Teach and allow 10 minutes of silent meditation each day in school. Teach yoga, tai chi or some sort of stretching and breathing in gym classes.

My 15 minutes is up. My house is in a constant state of entropy....time to clean up a little.

Time and Giving Back

Yesterday i was asked to participate in a health fair at an assisted living highrise on Peachtree. I've been to a number of these facilities, and this one was one of the nicest appointed, wonderfully staffed places i have ever been to. i was asked to go to explain aromatherapy and reflexology to the people there...and give mini-sessions. At first they were hesitant and didn't want to try anything new. Some of them had never had a massage before, although many had. Finally, someone tried it out. Then, there was a line waiting. I hope that at some point i can get some paid work from doing these volunteer activities. Maybe writing is like that. You practice for yourself and others benefit, perhaps, and maybe later something springs up from it.

I think volunteering is essential to personal and spiritual growth. i don't know why, exactly. I figure, if everyone on the planet volunteered 20 hours a year or more to something, the world would be a better place to live. Since my children were small, i've volunteered to be room mother. i really don't want to go into the PTA and volunteer there. There seems to be too much politics. Kids like parties and that's what i like to do too. So, roomparent is great for me.

For the last three years i have volunteered at the BRAC center. Actually, i think it's called Absolute Wellness, now. It's a place where people who are affected or effected by HIV and/or AIDS can get free services. We're the holistic side of the program, which includes massage, reflexology, reiki, chiropractic care, counseling, and accupressure, and maybe other modalities that i'm not thinking of right now. The building adjoining the one i work in is the doctor's/pharmaceutical angle on treatment. Most of the people i see are long-term survivors...20 years or more. Some of them don't have any symtoms. Some of them have naturopathy so badly that they need canes, walkers or wheelchairs.

I have met the most beautiful people coming through those doors. i feel blessed to be the one giving instead of receiving the services. Some of these people have become my friends and at times, i've felt part of their family. The stories of their lives are beyond anything i've ever experienced. Their knowledge of death and living is something worth learning. It is a prilveldge to be part of their lives, and feel their gratitude.

There's similarities and differences working with these types of people. Both understand mortality. The elderly people i worked with yesterday live in a situation unavailable to all but the very wealthy. A lot of people with HIV/AIDs have no money left. Most of the elderly are like that, as well. All of their money has gone to doctors and pharmaceutical companies. I can't understand the business of pharmaceuticals...or insurance, and how it affects so many lives. That's beyond the scope of this entry and time i have to write today.

Duality and the Pursuit of Perfection

This morning was so unlike yesterday that i feel compelled to write about it, and the nature of duality.

Spiritual studies have lent me an interesting view of the world, including the knowledge of duality, and the pursuit to rise above it. In my present moment, i am acutely aware of the way in which my practices afford me the opportunity to learn and experience the higher states of bliss and ecstasy. However, in my present life situation, i find that more than not the bliss and ecstasy is counter-balanced by feelings of anger, frustration and irritation. This morning, for example. Being a single mom means i am responsible for two more living beings in my home. My job is to keep them safe, fed and relatively happy. My hope is to instill in them a sense of responsibility and integrity. The only way i know how to do this is through example. One of my children, Sam, really balks at "the system". Mostly the educational system, but really anything organized. It just doesn't seem to work for him. He makes it very difficult for me to get him to follow the rules of society (i.e., do homework, get dressed, brush teeth, get on the bus and go to school). He's waiting for his mentor, and i'm not it. He doesn't want to run with the pack, and i understand that. I question authority. What i don't understand, is that he'd rather watch tv (which i have curtailed dramatically) or play video games, or have me read to him. I prefer different things. To each his own. This morning, i really had to examine why i was getting so angry, frustrated and irritated. It was a battle of wills. I don't really even want to play battle of wills. What i did want, however, was to have it easy. A complacent child. He's my teacher. How can i stay zen in the face of this behavior? I can't, yet.

Is the pursuit of perfection staying in my center while the world around me goads me into emotional turmoil or physical action? If it's not my kids, would i let world politics and the consumption mentality of those around me push me into a frenzy? Do i cater to the world of duality and take a side? And i can ask myself, if i can attain a place of inner peace and have it reflect outwardly, what purpose will that serve if there isn't a refection of that in my life - somewhere. I used to think that i would be able to find that reflection in a partner. Now, the only place i can find it is in nature. Even then, violence is a part of the natural rhythm of nature - the cycle of life and death.

Perfection then, becomes the realization that everything is that it should be. Surrender and acceptance of my imperfections and the world around me. Acceptance of the way things are in the moment, and that change is the only constant. Perfection in the imperfection.

Ecstasy, Bliss and Anaebolic Breathing

This morning, as i woke up, i found myself in a blissful, almost ecstatic state. This if fairly normal for me, if i haven't expended too much of my energy or myself. It's rejuvenating and offers me a wonderful way to start my day.

I have experienced this type of state on a regular basis since starting spiritual exercises. Intentional breathing and clearing is one of the main exercises to maintain this blissful state. Hopefully, when i experience it enough times, it will become part of my being-ness.

Both Sufi breath practices and Tantric breath practices can bring my energy into alignment with bliss/ecstasy. I had experienced the anaebolic state once (at that party in my previous post on Tantra), but was sharing my space intimately with another. I really didn't expect to experience that again with anyone, and certainly not by myself. I had even semi-discussed this experience with my tai chi and qi gong teacher. Historically, through stories, masters would go to a cave with their disciples and enter into a type of anaebolic state and then have their "watchers" guard them and wake them, if appropriate. There are specific methods of waking one who is in deep anaerobic sleep. This is slightly different from a state called "yogic sleep", which is a deep meditation, and offers it's own beauty and attributes to bodies in bliss.

When i was in California, i entered into a state that was highly sensitized. We were in a "puja", or circle, and doing a sensory exercise. I definitely got more than i thought i would. Sensitized to a point in which i heard someone whisper something in my ear, and i though, "if you say so", and 'became' the garden of flowers that they thought i was. At that moment, i stopped breathing outwardly, and turned inward. i felt my bodies expand and although i was conscious of what was happening to me, there was a "nothingness" present for me. I could feel others being uncomfortable with this. I was extremely comfortable, though. Someone slapped a board on the soles of my feet. I arched, but wanted to continue in my state. Water came next. I was regaining sensitivity and then regained outward breathing. I was a little peeved that i wasn't allowed to stay in that state longer. However, i knew how disconcerting it was for the others, and probably would have been for me, too if i had to witness instead of experiencing such a state.

The next morning, during meditation, i entered that anaebolic state again. This time, however, i told myself to remember to breathe. My breathing was light and very spaced apart, but it was important to have mastery over this part of myself. To be caught up in the phenomena of ecstasy and bliss and anaebolic breathing could limit my venturing into other states.

I was a little surprised this summer, when i was in a type of yogic sleep that this anaebolic breathing happened again. It felt wonderful combining those two states. Again, though, my awareness of getting stuck in the phenomenon brought me back into a hightened awareness of myself and for what purpose i was experiencing these states.

I am grateful for the experiences that i receive from doing my spiritual exercises. I hope to make the most out of all of these experiences, to help others create the lives they wish to live. Even the "traumatic" parts of my experiences. I have found i can transform these non-blissful memories and states into methods of healing for others. It brings my ability to empathize with others to a new level.

The new Pope makes some changes to bring parishioners back. (from Ted) 

Biz-i-ness, Names, and Other Phenomenon

Last year, while i was working the Decatur Arts Show, a woman came up to me in my booth and said, "I've been looking for a chance to meet you." "My name is Molly Wender". No shit. I was talking with a friend or two of mine, and they looked at me and then at her. We stopped talking and i looked at the other Molly Wender. Really. She explained that she was a student at Emory, and that she knew i existed (the other other Molly Wender), but she hadn't called or contacted me earlier. Wow. We talked on for a moment, and i said to her, "well, you probably don't have all of the same names as i do." We had a test. I told her my original name wasn't Molly Wender, but that i took Wender on when i was married. I told her my middle name was Ann. Her's was too. I said, "Ok, my Hebrew name is Miriam Hannah". She said, "mine is pretty much the same as that." Ok. "You don't have my Sufi name, Muhasaba". Nope, i had her there. We had a nice conversation, and followed up with an e-mail, since she wanted some background on the Wender name. It was a cool surprise. The show was good. I always meet interesting artists and patrons.

The name Molly is a derivative of Mary. It's not necessarily a Jewish name, but some people think it might be. I didn't grow up Jewish. I converted. I was named after my father's sister, who lives in Pittsburgh. Most Jewish people name their kids after dead relatives. When I converted, the Rabbi told my parents they were honorary Jews, since they were attending Temple more than the Jews who were born Jewish. Honorary MOT.


I used to participate in the Jewish Festival. It's usually around this time of year. The first year i did it, i shared a table with my friend, Sue. We had set up and the show was about to start. Two MOT dressed like MIB came up behind us. They said, "we'll buy out your booth right now if you promise to come back next year." I don't think Sue heard them. I should have sold out right then, but i didn't know if i wanted to come back. It was hot. I've done that show a few times and it's always a scene. This year, i decided to get sweaty down in Grant Park. I've never done that show. It's this weekend and i bet it's going to be hot.


Miriam is a great name, and the closest to Molly i could find. I have an affinity to the name Miriam, since she was a great seer. Moses's sister. Hannah is about the equivalent of Ann.

Muhasaba, my Sufi name, is a type of meditation, and also means "to study oneself", or "self examination". That's not an easy name to live up to, i have found. At first, we thought my name was Muhasibi. Muhasibi, i later found out, is the father of Sufism. At least, that's what i've read. He was a great teacher and leader, and into abstinence. Luckily for me, muhasaba is a little bit easier energy to maintain.

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My Introduction To Tantra and Further Explorations

I was first introduced to the study of Tantra during a dream. The next morning, i went to my local bookseller, and in the second-hand room, found a small book which told the basics of tantra, including the history. (History of Tantra, Mumford). I read it and forgot about it.

Four years ago, a synchronistic series of events led me to a free concert by Raphael at right before the 4th of July. I went to the free concert, found out that Raphael and Kutira were really teachers of Oceanic Tantra (http://www.kahuainstitute.com/), and they were having another concert and long-weekend class. I had entered a very interesting vortex of energy, and was aware that the people i was meeting at that time would be woven into my life for awhile, if not indefinitely. So, i enrolled in the class and spent the next four days submersed in teachings. Two weeks later I met my Sufi teacher, then a week after that was involved in building a sweat lodge.

The next year rolled around, and i had shelved tantra since i didn't have a partner, and i was studying sufism. When i saw Kutira again, she basically told me that i didn't need a partner to practice tantra. What? i couldn't see how. The following year, i found a partner to explore a little with. During that time, I had found another reason to study tantra. Sexual healing. I had been raped as a child and had other unwelcomed advances from adults into my teenage years. At one time, my husband accused me to not enjoying sex. I didn't really want that label, so i did some exercises to help me remember what was blocking me. Of course, remembering being raped isn't fun. Nor is the lack of support from friends, family or my psychiatrist. I thought about my sexual history. I thought about my sexual patterns. Yep, i was a great candidate for some sexual healing. I chose people who had become my friends whom i had met in the community who were learning or adept at healing and gave myself permission to work through this with others. That winter, i was asked to be a "model" for one of my healers. We demonstrated at a private party, and again i was given the opportunity to push through barriers of cultural taboo and expand my awareness.

In the spring, Charles and Caroline Muir (http://www.sourcetantra.com/index.html) were here. I took that weekend class as well. It was more difficult for me this time. I was emotionally and at times physically involved with someone who wasn't willing to take the class. The homework included choosing someone from the class to work with intimately. Luckily, one of my male friends was taking the class, and became my 'homework' partner. Some wonderful meditations and stories unfolded from this course.

Over these years, i was reading a lot about Tantra, including Cultivating Female Sexual Energy and Sexual Reflexology by Mantuk Chia. More tantra for physical and emotional healing. I got involved in learning tai chi and qi gong. I was able to begin to cultivate and distribute energy with more ease. The internal practices of Sufism and tai chi seemed to compliment each other.

This April, Bodhi Avinasha came to Atlanta and did a Level 1 Course in the Ipsalu Kriya Yoga Tantra (http://www.tantrikainternational.com/). I had already read her books, Jewel In The Lotus and The Ipsalu Formula - Tantra Bliss. I took Level 1, and incorporated a new daily spiritual exercise. During that weekend, the energy was intense and wonderful. Lots of release work. I did tai chi to integrate the internal initiations i received. In June, I went to California and took the Level 2 with Bodhi and other teachers. The energy was subtle, and i really enjoyed myself, although there was some more emotional release work done there. During the level 2, i was counseled to take Sexual Wholeness. I balked. Not had i already done what i considered enough of that work by myself, i didn't have funds or the time. Not a good enough excuse. My calendar opened up and so i headed to Cincinnati in July. Sexual Wholeness put me in another realm. I learned to say "no". I learned how to listen closely to my body and honor it. I was supported by a small group of tantrikas dedicated to pushing out the edges of their comfort zones. The energy was amazing.

That brings me pretty much up-to-date on my personal history with tantra, although barely touches upon the esoteric, energetic and spiritual aspects, which i'll cover in another essay. Everyone finds their bliss following their own path. Sometimes it helps to follow the path others have cultivated, if it fits your needs. I've found many wonderful people on the tantric path. Each one entering into their tantic experience for their own personal reasons and needs.
namaste.

Ecstasy and Altered States With Sufi Practices

My last post, "My Relationship With Sufism" really only covered the bare facts of how i was introduced to Sufism, and really only reflected my relationship with Musawwir. That's still a big part of my relationship to Sufism, but not all of what it encompasses.

Ecstasy in Sufism is fairly well known. The Whirling Dervishes achieve a level of ecstasy through their "turn". Many Sufis find ecstasy through doing their practices, or wazaifa. I find my ecstasy comes from practicing "reclining". This is a form of meditation, where i relax my body and loosen my mind (thoughts), and float. It can be better than an orgasm. In fact, can last a very long time. The state of relaxation allows me to feel rejuvenated and allows my mind a break. I've noticed, though, that if i indulge in that state for too much time, there are repercussions (i.e., someone usually gets miffed at me not spending enough time on my responsibilities, or something in the mundane world goes askew asking me to pay more attention to it.). Many Sufis just find ecstasy in their "remembrance", which is akin to thinking of the Beloved, or God, or whatever they perceive to be their ideal. Rumi, Kabir, Hafiz & Iraqi are wonderful ecstatic Sufi poets.

Reaching altered states of consciousness is de rigeur for Sufis. We actually practice consciously going into awarenesses other than our own. In my cherag training, we are asked to practice accessing the consciousness of Buddha, Christ, Mary, Abraham, the rishis (one of my favorites), and even Archangels. Whether you believe, or you don't, these consciousnesses exist on planes other than the ones we are usually accessing. I've had the experiences of reaching higher levels of conscioussness through dancing and chanting. Drumming seems to have that effect on some poeple. There are ways to access different levels of consciousness through conscious breathing, meditation, yoga, etc.

What i find myself doing, is accessing whatever energy wants to be expressed in that particular moment, if i am being asked to be a conduit for that energy and i choose to accept it into my being. I find i put myself into this position when i am asked to offer healing (reflexology/reiki/spiritual healing/sexual healing) to others. Many times, group work facilitates the request for me to be a conduit. Sometimes, just being with my guide offers me the opportunity to explore higher states. Sacred space, safety and non-judgment are essential qualities for this. I wish to express that altered states of consciousness DOES NOT necessarily mean higher levels of awareness. Especially when Clarity is at issue. An altered state of consciousness allows one to experience other-worldly places and things. It's expands one's experience to include other possibilities. A higher level of awareness has a clarity to it that allows one to view reality through a different lens. These words may not give an accurate description of what actually happens to you or me. It experiential. Each person's path is different. Each person's inner journey is different. As a person, i'm here to support fellow voyagers on the journey. There are similarities, especially is we read the same materials. It gives us a basic vocabulary and "baseline" understanding of those "consensus realities". Our individual perceptions of those realities are different based on our experiences and our lens. For example, i look at life through "rose colored glasses". I know that i am headed toward a more realistic lens, since i can now "see through" some people and things. Not always. I still have lessons to learn. The rose colored glasses are moving towards pink. It would probably be a shock to my system to go from rose colored to clear in one shot, but it probably happens to some people. I've diverged somewhat.

Sufis also talk about states and stations. States, are transitory, Stations (proximity to God, or perhaps The Truth) are more permanent. That's not to say they can't or won't change, but generally that's were you are. So, a person can reach a temporary State of consciousness which resembles a very high spiritual station. In actuality, it's temporary. But good, usually. Sometimes though, there are illnesses associated with going to these higher states without being prepared. Usually the body, mind and spirit should be clean or purified. For instance, fasting, abstaining from drugs, caffeine,alcohol and other altering substances will help one from falling prey to 'illnesses', like psychotic breaks, while traversing the upper realms of consciousness. Preparing the mind through prayer, meditation, and the like can also prepare one's body, mind and spirit. It has been my observation, through experience, that having a guide makes for a safer journey through the layers of consciousness.

The Week In Review and Miera's Case

This week is not finished yet, but it seems like enough has happened to warrant a review.
1. The kids went back to school. Max started middle school, and Sam started 3rd grade.
2. Tuesday the proverbial "shit hit the fan" with Sam and football. He doesn't want to play, he "ran away" from the team, and as a consequence for not being able to continue his commitment to play for the next two months, i've taken away the t.v. indefinitely. He thinks it's for a year.
3. I got about 1/2 of my hair cut off. No, not half of my head! Anyways, the girls at girls nite out thought it was "kinky"...no, no, not "kinky", "kicky?" no, something else. I'll remember later...
4. I found out that i am hostessing Daniel's classes while he is here in Atlanta over Labor Day weekend. When i see this in writing, i will know that it's final.
4. I'm cooking dinner tonite and invited my parents, and Sam's present will be delivered later. That worked out. whew.
5. I just got off the phone with my friend, Miera, who had invited me to the sweat lodge. I was calling to RSVP to her dance party, Saturday nite.

This is probably why i am really writing, because i'm inextricably tied into this. personally, perhaps professionally. how this turns out? i don't know.

Here's the story:
Miera and her husband got a divorce several years ago. She has two beautiful, lovely girls who live with her. Always have. Now, their dad is remarried and wants to take the girls away from Miera, saying she is unfit. This really has me in knots. Miera is one of my tantrika friends. She bellydances and is a massage therapist. She has a wonderful personality and a unique way of being and expressing herself, which I find beautiful. Her ex is telling the court she is unfit because she had a boyfriend who occasionally slept over. There is another part to the story, which I don't feel at liberty to divulge here, but suffice it to say that he is holding a discretely made, personal, adult choice, against her. This too, is a choice that i would support Miera for in court. I don't see where these choices have anything to do with the way she raises her children. They have a lovely home, clothes, and are very comfortable.

I have been involved since the get-go. I wrote a letter on Miera's behalf and brought it to the bank and had it notarized. I essentially told her that i was willing to fight on her behalf. By doing this, i essentially took responsibility to go the distance with her, even if it means being subpoenaed and getting up and taking oaths to protect what i consider Personal Freedom.
This week, i received a call from the Court person who is handling the case from the children's perspective. I answered the questions I was asked. It was evident that the woman on the other line couldn't conceive that we would go to a birthday party/sweat lodge. Yes, sweats can be dangerous. This one wasn't, nor would it have been, even if the girls had decided to part take (which they didn't). In my conversation with Miera today, i tried to hold space for us. Tuesday night, Sam told me that he didn't want to go live with John, their dad. He told me that his dad had said that I wasn't strict enough. He would fight in court to take Sam away from me if I couldn't control Sam better. I just want what's right for Sam. If it means going to his dad, than so be it. I don't think so after hearing that. I'm right there with Miera. I will go down fighting.

She's writing letters, I'm writing the blog. Thanks Miera, for giving me permission to Rant our cases on the blog.

My Relationship With Sufism

My explanation of what Sufism to people who don't know is:
Sufism is the study of mysticism from the Islamic religion, like Kabbalah is the mystical study of Judaism, and Gnosism is the study of Christianity. Sufism is the path of the heart and soul. It's learning to be in the world, but not of it. Sufis are service-oriented to humanity.

I've been an initiate of the North American Sufi Order (started by Hazrat Inayat Khan) for almost four years. I had been dancing with Akbar down at the Friends Meeting House in Decatur for at least a year before i found out that it was Sufi dancing! A lot of the people there aren't initiated into any Sufi order (and there are many Orders)...but it's fun, for a good cause, not to mention it helps heal the heart. One Saturday, i was attending a musicianship class for the Dances (i.e., learn to play instruments to accompany the dancing). There was a man there that i didn't recognize. During the class, my gaze met his and we held each other's gaze for a very long time (compared to the obligatory glance most people give or get). At one point, during a break, i introduced myself, and out of my mouth popped, "you have something to tell me". He looked at me and said, "want to go get something to eat?", and off we went. Well, the lunch turned into a weekend of pretty amazing conversation about mystics, life, the universe, and in a round about way, Sufism.

There was a moment when he asked me if i wanted to become initiated and i hesitated. I wasn't going to join something i didn't know anything about. Certainly not something that basically guaranteed to change my life, if i did the work. So, i said i'd try the daily practices (about 20 minutes a day) and then decide. Pretty much, i knew that this was going to be a life commitment on some level, if not all of them. Then, later in the summer, i decided that yes, this was going to be okay. I've was told that people have to ask to be initiated, not the other way around. I felt very honored. I flew up to New York and had my first initiation. I could feel the energy as it passed between our hands. Musawwir became my guide, but more than anything my friend. His wife, Majida, became my friend, and both of them a part of my spiritual family. I told Musawwir things about myself that most people don't know. He holds great space and doesn't hold judgment. He's tough, too. And almost published. I'll post when his book comes out (soon).

There were lots of conversations and e-mails and phone calls. There was a period of time when my life felt like it was falling apart. It really wasn't falling apart, just parts of my belief systems falling away. Before i agreed to do this, he told me that things would change - i might lose my friends, i might be alone for awhile, etc. That was okay. There wasn't much left at that time anyways. A little more deconstruction wouldn't be too bad, i thought. He coached me through it. There's a phase of "unlearning" and what happens is that my personality changed slightly and the people who knew me noticed. Most people don't like change. Especially my kids. Yikes, i've put them through more change, i thought they'd get used to it, or maybe even like it.

I've taken several trips up to NY to see Musawwir & Majida and their family. I take business trips there to buy stones & pearls for my business. Now, through my tantra work, i have more friends in the area...and i'll write another post about my relationship with Tantra later.

I started reading. I kept asking Musawwir for names of books to read. Some of it is historical (Revelation of the Mystery), some of it mystic/metaphysical (Creation and the Timeless Order of Things), some of it esoteric poetry, which has become one of my favorite flavors (Divine Flashes).

Now, i'm currently reading and studying to become a Cherag. A Cherag is a "minister" of the Universal Worship Service. I'll hopefully have an ordination in about a year, after i finish my studies and writing. So far, i'm about half-way through with my writing, and i don't have a reader. Someone is supposed to read what i've been writing...and give me feedback. When i was accepted into the Cherag Study program, i was excited. I told my parents, and their reaction was not very supportive, to say the least. My dad's comment was, "Too bad, I thought you were going to tell me you had a full time job." I have a lot of respect for my dad. He called me the next day and apologized for his remark, explaining that he didn't know what a Cherag was and his ignorance created the comment.

A Cherag is an ordained person who can perform rituals like marriages, funerals, and other ceremonies. The Universal Worship Service is about what it sounds like. The Sufis consider all religions as having significance. During the service, we honor the religions by lighting candles (Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, Goddess/Earth based, Zorostrian, Native American, etc.) The Cherag is responsible for holding the light inside him or herself as well. During the service there is prayer, readings, music and information about one or more of the religions during the service. It's interactive. My studying has been rewarding. I've learned a lot about different religions, been on field trips, and asked for interviews. There are so many diverse views and beliefs. It's really beautiful, like a kaleidoscope.

There is a part of being connected with Sufism that brings me into my heart. It's helped me understand the world differently. The parts I love, I can keep, the parts that don't resonate with me, i don't have to use. On one of the trips to nyc, i received a Sufi name, Muhasaba. Well, when i first heard it, it was Muhasibi. we weren't sure how to spell it. Then, i started doing research. I'll do another post on the meaning of the name and the stories behind it. I have other names as well that i'll share in that future post. On another trip to nyc, i partook in a three day silent retreat. I was by myself in a small room. I was not allowed to speak to anyone, but i was given prayers and chants (wazaif) to do all day long. From 7 a.m. meditation, until about 6:00 p.m. meditation, (excluding b-fast and lunch breaks) i was working on holding my attention to what was at hand. It was very interesting. It's a great way to break through barriers. I was a little apprehensive before i went into it. I don't sit still well. I prefer walking meditations, and this was going to be three solid days of sitting. I did write an essay about my final meditation when i got home.

There are lots of great Sufi stories & poetry, and i have met a few other sufis along the path, all of them with beautiful hearts.

Shamanism, Shamanic Astrology and Death By Intention

Shamanism covers a lot of territory. I've been doing dreamwork for over 20 years. Mostly for myself. Sometimes participating in group dream projects, one-time facilitator of an on-line dream discussion group, and general pundit of what's out there in terms of what's already been written about dreaming. For me, dreamwork is a part of shamanism. Almost all native cultures (aboriginal and Native American dreamtime studies) provided time and energy to examine, talk about and create stories about what happens when our conscious selves are not in the way.

One the more popular niche astrology studies is Shamanic Astrology. Daniel Giamario is coming to Atlanta in a couple of weeks to do a class. He has co-authored a book, The Shamanic Astrology Handbook with Carolyn Brant, and other pamphlets, articles, and discourses. The Shamanic Astrology website is interesting, but not as interesting as working with Daniel! Daniel knows how to run energy. He knows what women (and men) want. There are several basic premises of Shamanic Astrology:

1. Sun position isn't as important as moon, ascendant, mars, Venus, mercury, nodes, etc.
2. Everyone comes in with a "script".
3. The script changes as we get older and accept the challenge of working on our "new script".

The foundation of the work is based on Hermes "As Above, So Below, As Without, So Within". As you may or may not know, Hermes and his Emerald Tablets were studies of alchemy, transcendent in nature, and in some circles finding renewed interest.

Back to Shamanic Astrology. I received a phone call Saturday night after the sweat lodge asking if I'd be interested in hosting Daniel's classes at my home over Labor Day weekend. Of course, I'm interested! Daniel carries a lot of weight in his circle. Lots of priestesses and goddesses ask for his time and expertise on a regular basis. I don't know if it will come to pass...One of my good friends, Joanna, has a space they are looking at too.

I took Shamanic astrology 2 years ago with Daniel...while I was consorting with one of his friends, whom he was staying with. We spent the better part of a long weekend together. I learned a lot, and I also felt a huge amount of energy being created. Daniel's way of telling someone's story, or "script" involves associating a person's planets with Gods and/or Goddesses. He teaches from an archetypal realm. It's very interesting, and somewhat easy to get one's energy caught up in that realm. Many cultures have worshipped Gods and Goddesses throughout the ages. The amount of energy that has been built up never disappeared. However, religions like Christianity, Judaism and Islam all turned away from multiplicity in regards to worshipping individual Gods & Goddesses. Hinduism has continued (I recently visited some Tantric Temples in Atlanta...They are worshipping here!). Tapping into that archetypal, God/Goddess realm can change perception.

One of the things that shamanism teaches, and Daniel uses in astrological stories, is "Intentional Death". There is a continuous death and rebirth motif in shamanism in general, and can be seen in the natural cycles of nature, humans, and the heavens (planets). In mythology, death and dying was an adventure. Gods and Goddesses oversaw and helped with this process. The Plutonic initiations using the Goddess Inanna and her decent into the underworld (and Persephone) show how decent, death and then the subsequent transformation transpires. When someone says, "It's a good day to die", they may be in a Pluto cycle! If i am in "overload" and can't really wrap my mind around something after i've been stewing with it for awhile, i'll do an "intentional death". i'll actually think about the process, envision a creative death, and then release and transform. Sometimes it takes more than one pass at this and sometimes it takes sacred ceremony in order to release enough to see a different perspective. Once i can envision different outcomes or different lines of possibilities, i know I've gotten somewhere with it.

Saturday's Sweat Lodge

One of my friends left me an e-mail on Friday, inviting me to a Sweat Lodge on Saturday. After making a couple of phone calls to cancel whatever plans i already had, i was ready to go. This was my second sweat lodge. My first lodge was an awesome spiritual experience, and i will explain this a little now.

My first sweat lodge experience included building the sweat lodge and learning the beauty and sacred way of building and becoming part of the lodge. There was so much preparation for the lodge in advance of the group coming together. The hosts of that lodge had to collect the ingredients: tender but long and resilient willow branches, special rock 'people', blankets, crystals, herbs and other materials. Holes had to be dug, willow had to be scraped clean and kept in water to keep it pliable. Medicine bundles had to be made with prayer and intention. And it all had to be put together in a certain order, with intention and prayer. This all took all day and until about 11 p.m. Usually, the tribe will hold the sweat at this time, but it was too late and everyone was exhausted. However, we were invited to enter the lodge, under the stars, and meditate. Wow.

During the meditation i was invited to see three of my "past lives" as native American. These appeared as movies to me. One "movie" was a young warrior who was coming back from a hunting or warring trip. He had been hurt, but was still alive. I believe he had bear marks on his shoulders. The next "movie", if my memory serves me, was when i was shown a warrior's death at the hands of another warring tribe. The third movie, which was the most dramatic of them and the one i remember most, is when i was a medicine woman. I was old, and wore a cape of feathers. It was my time to die, and i was alone in my hut, in the woods, away from my tribe. i was part of a wolf pack and considered them my family. At my death i called them to me - and after i passed they ate my body. It was ceremony. It was very strong medicine.
Watching it from a meditative space that was detached and unemotional was amazing. However, the images still have remained with me. Although i have studied a little about death and dying, this was the first time i remember seeing versions of myself die. The builders of this lodge held their first sweat the following weekend, and it was very powerful as well.

The sweat on Saturday was in honor of two younger woman, ages 4 and 11. We ceremoniously chose our rocks, we built the fire, and tended the fire as the rocks became hot and red all the way through. We started around 11 and entered the lodge around 3 and stayed in until about 5. This lodge is what i would term a "speaking lodge", as opposed to a "silent lodge". Also, at this lodge it was required to wear clothes, and preferably for the women to cover their legs. Some lodges are clothing optional, and others men only. Some lodges include women on their moontime (menses), and some honor those women with a special position inside the lodge. I was honored during my first lodge this way.

It is totally dark inside the lodge, which is covered with blankets. The rock pit is in the middle. We crawl around the edge of the lodge until we complete the circle. The flap opens to bring in rocks and we great each rock as it enters by way of the FireKeeper. Otherwise it stays closed. Sacred water is put on the rocks with a spray of evergreen boughs. A woven Sweetgrass rope touches the rocks ceremoniously as they are put into the pit. We had 4 rounds of rocks and prayer with a total sixteen rocks. Some lodges have more than 100 rocks. It is about 90 degrees outside. Inside, it gets hotter. The first round, only the children spoke their prayers. The intention of this sweat was to honor the children of the world. To pray for children not to be hungry. To remember that we all are children, and our inner children need to have attention, be nurtured and cared for. As the adults were reminded, the children coming into our world today want to see it changed. It is up to us, as the adults, to take charge of leading this change for future generations. We were reminded that the people make the government, not the other way around. We were reminded of the lies we are told by the government and religions in order to control and manipulate. As the circle of prayers went around, people spoke from their hearts. My prayer was that all children, past, present, and future be able to hear, know and live their Truth. Others prayed for love, peace, and non-judgment, gratitude. It was a "sweet" sweat lodge, as children were invited to attend and participate. There was ceremony, there were teachings and learning about the way of the native peoples in sacred ceremony, there was a potluck and give-away afterwards. This was the beginning of the lodge. It was a cleansing lodge, too, and we were asked to pray for all of the people and things we could think of, and then let it go. The past pain is burned with the rocks, the ceremonial detachment lets us leave without the baggage. The sweat family lives on in the prayers. For me, this is a type of intentional death. I will post a future title regarding what i consider "shamanic intentional death". The intention of the lodge is cared for by the "elder" of the lodge, and kept in his prayers long after we depart.

Today, Sunday, there was another party for one of my sons. This was a very different birthday celebration at the pool, with pizza, a pinata, water balloon fight, and cake. All very American, and a different type of personal spiritual journey for me too.

It's all good.

Responsibility

Since coming up with any originial thoughts of my own is difficult at this point, i will quote something from one of my favorite books, Mastry Through Accomplishment. I hope Murshid won't mind. I also want to comment on responsibility. Responsibility for me is following the line of potential into what ever and where ever it leads. I've learned through trial and error that my judgement isn't always on target. I've learned that discernment is necessary. I've also learned to take responsibility for my own actions, thoughts and feelings. Ouch. No one to blame but myself, and no pity parties (well, not too many, anyways). And, oh yes, it's responsible to be fun and have fun...responsibly. or not.

Responsibility
...."There is another point of view from which to look at it: that man may become great by his responsibility. And at the same time he may fall, for there is a stumbling block: the more conscious man becomes of his responsibility, the less he recognizes the power of wisdom which is working beside him. It is because of this that at this time of materialism there are great personalities who accomplish many things, and yet in the end they show their limitation. This limitation comes from being drowned in the responsibility they have taken upon themselves and from having forgotten God, the other power that is working beside them."...

testing post

This is my first post. I'm usually technically impaired, so learning something new is a wonderful way to get things done. Expansion! Yeah!